Did we create a disease that turns people into the Walking Dead? Of course not. Did we plan out our escape route for when the zombies do show up? Again? Did we hone our ability to make delicious beer, or did we instead learn how to make vodka because beer won’t travel well during the apocalypse? No comment. Anyway, since you guys obviously can't figure it out, we played the game, “Which Walking Dead Character are We?” Duh. First off, let’s cover the easy ones.
Tim is our Rick Grime. He's ours, you can't have him. Tim was oblivious to the zombacolypse, since he was in a coma. (He drank Zima). Once he woke up, he searched for the things that mattered to him. He ended up with us, thrust into a position of leadership. Sure there is a group of us that keep this prison/brewery going, but ultimately it’s Tim decisions that keep us from killing each other and cannibalizing the clothing of our dead for killer ensembles. (that’s what the show is really about, right?) He leads by example and we would be lost without his strength and confidence. But probably the main reason he’s our Rick, is that he is also portrayed by a British actor.
John is totally the governor. I don’t need any online quiz to tell me this. He’s an eyepatch shy of murdering every part of the community that he’s built (figuratively speaking of course). Good leader? Sure. Great father? Definitely. Genocide-inducing lover? Duh. He’s building a beertopia, but at some point we know that he’s just going to burn it all down. When? Who knows. Hopefully never, we’ll just have to keep an eye on that beautiful eye of his.
What can I say? Erin is a badass. She is constantly killing shit without breaking a sweat. We weren’t sure about this mysterious gal when she joined the crew, but now she’s an integral part of the brewery. She just plain gets things done, no matter how much work we give her. She isn’t always punctual, but she’s always reliable. Most importantly, though, it seems like she always has two of the taproom boys following her as if chained and answering her every beck and call.
Joe seems like a good guy, right? He’s very productive and always glad to jump in and lend a hand. Unfortunately, that’s because he’s just looking out for himself. He always has his own priorities and motivations--number one among those being the keeping of his body at comfortable temperature. He’ll completely ignore the things going on around him in order to keep warm. I’ve seen him knock Erin to the ground in order to try on a new stocking cap, or some scarf. Even now that his little brother has brought him into the fold, he still can’t get past this. You just can’t trust Joe at all. (when it’s cold outside) Plus, the guy is a total racist. He runs triathlons and stuff. What a jerk, right? That’s what racist means, right?
Ugh, Paul is sooooo Carl Grimes. He’s so young and cocksure. Too cocksure. We know that he can “kill” these beers, but he shouldn’t be so eager to do it. We need to make sure that he understands the consequences of his actions. One of these days, he’s going to make an amazing beer that just won’t be worth the cost. But you know what? Times are changing, maybe Parl is on the right track. Maybe he does understand better how to navigate us through this yellow-beered apocalypse. Maybe he knows the best way to stab people in the brain with craft beer. Thankfully we have Rim (Tick?) keeping him in line.
Why am I Andrea? Because I’m a schizophrenically stupid narcissist who mistakenly assumes that everything is about me. No matter what is going on, I don’t think that anything is ever finished until I have opened my god damn mouth. I’m not afraid to get into bed with the Governor to fix whatever imaginary problem I see. I will use whatever tool that I have at my disposal, even my shrewish good looks. I identify with Andrea in so many ways, but by far I can most strongly channel my inner-Andrea because she was able to shoot her sister in the head. I dream every night of the day that my sister turns into a zombie and I’m able to finally take revenge for all the teenage angst she took out on me. But hey, I’m just saying...You know, hypothetically...
Header image from negatives taken in the field of Atlanta, Georgia by Geo. N. Barnard. New York : 1866. Library of Congress