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A few weeks ago, John introduced me to the works of a man named A.J. Jacobs. The first article I read by this sarcastic gem of a man was titled “I Think You’re Fat” and it rocked my world. Not only has Jacobs written articles for Esquire and The New York Times, he’s also written quite a few books, one being “The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World,” where he read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica and wrote about his experience. Upon discovery of the existence of this book, I decided to emulate Jacobs’ experience by reading The Oxford Companion To Beer by Garrett Oliver, which is the ultimate beer encyclopedia. I thought it was about damn time for me to learn something; fill my ginormous brain with something other than the Pulp Fiction script and decoding of a cat's meow (a few short meows upon entry to my apartment means Marsellus is happy I’m home).
You stare down Tim, riding around on his sexy beast of a forklift in his vibrant, blue, rubber boots. And John, in his unnecessarily stylish Diesel jeans that are worn in all the right places, scrubbing those filthy kegs ‘til they sparkle. You think Paul manages to look even more brilliant as he rinses the floor, hose in hand, with a soft head-bob to Ke$ha.
I love listening to people's private conversations. Washing glasses in the taproom gives me the perfect opportunity to tune in to your intimate chatter; I look focused while I'm rinsing away yet I'm totally listening to your every word. TLC’s “Creep” is my jam. Aside from hearing about how your beloved hamster just died or how you strongly believe Justin Bieber is prettier than those guys in One Direction, a lot of what I hear is beer talk and a lot of what you say is bullshit. Let me clear some things up for you.
She has charmed us with her dancing skills time and time again, and her bubbly persona never fails to conjure up a smile on even the most evil of human beings’ faces. Heck, even when Sarah upchucks due to her intake of bad meatloaf, we still feel giddy just being in her vomity presence. Her quirky antics make all of us chuckle on a regular basis and they ended up landing her a job here at Solemn Oath.
Hypothetically, if there were a flash fire that set our taproom walls ablaze, we often have the maximum number of people inside that would probably be able to make it out safely. Probably.
One night, as we were closing down the taproom, I asked Lou a simple and direct question, “What are you looking for in a soulmate, Lou?”